"A heart is not judged by how much you love but by how much you are loved by others."
- The Wizard of Oz (1939)
The New York run of MY AiDS is over. I spent a day in mourning. By "mourning" I mean, lounging around in my PJs eating 5 pounds of Baked Ziti and drinking 3 gallons of Diet Coke while catching up on my DVR list. I tried to process the whole MY AiDS experience while fast forwarding through commercials.
Throughout the whole run I received so many congratulations. I was told I was brave. I was asked if it was a cathartic experience. I was told I should be proud of myself. I was told I should be celebrating. I guess I just haven't processed all of that. I don't know if I am brave. I know I'm fuckin' funny. I know I tell a good story. That's all I really wanted to do. I wanted to share my story so that the audience could laugh about shit that is scary and so that we'd all feel a little less isolated.
To me MY AiDS is very much a story about isolation. It's a story about what happens when you close yourself off from the people who love you and you stop communicating. After I tested HIV positive I decided I could no longer do that. I needed to start sharing my fears, my sadness and my problems with my closest friends.
Not only did this group of friends show me love and support - They encouraged and helped me to PRODUCE MY FUCKING PLAY!!!
Thank you NICK for listening and believing.
Thank you MICHAEL for being fiercely determined.
Thank you LISA for giving me art.
Thank you KIMBERLY for taking me to church.
Thank you JUSTIN for making it all happen.
But mostly I would like to thank these people for saving my life and saving my soul with their love and humor.
I have no clue if doing the show was cathartic. I don't know what I've gained from this experience and I don't know what, if anything, will come of it. But I do know that I will never feel alone again. I can never get too depressed knowing that this group of people is rooting for me. I am so blessed. My heart is so full.